The pain of loosing a loved one.

I've avoided writing about tihs long enough. My sister in law lost her son to a still birth two weeks ago at 27 weeks gestation. This was the hardest most horrible thing I've ever gone through. I've lost lots of loved ones to all kinds of deaths and mourned there loss, but never have I ever felt a pain inside me like I did when i got that call at 4:00 in the morning telling me my nephew was gone. I didn't know that you could actually feel a physical pain from the loss of a loved one but its here and its not weakening any. I got to meet him and hold his precious tiny perfect body in my arms and tell him I love him. I knew he wasn't there but I didn't want to let that angel go. I can say that he has made me the proudest aunt ever and for someone so little he has made such a big impact on this world. I just stop what Im doing allot and just think about him and how much i wanted to spoil him rotten which I was already trying to do before he was even born :) Along with this misscarriage has brought alot of frustration and confusion into my life. I'm blessed to be the mother of a beautful 3 almost 4 year old daughter and me and robert had planned on starting to try this May ,but know I have a huge knot in my stomach that won't go away. I'm so scared on so many levels. I never knew how likely oyu are to have a misscarriage or stillbirth with every pregnancy. I'm scared to death to have to be in my sister-in-laws shoes nad have to go through this again. I'm also hesitant because I dont want to hurt or harm my siterinlaw and brotherinlaw in any shap form or way I love them way to much and think it may be too soon for me to get pregant for their sake. I'm just so confused and lost right now.I just keep praying for God to remove this knot in my stomach when its time for me to have another baby and that when it's time it will be a safe healthy pregnancy and baby. I also Pray that my brother-in-law and sister-in-law get pregnant again when the times right and have an amazingly beautiful healthy perfect baby I can spoil even more thna I wanted to spoil this baby.