Loss of Ethan

U'd think the loss of Ethan would get easier with time, but its far from it. I babysat for a friend that had a sweet 1 almost 2 year old little boy and couldn't help but wonder what Ethan would have been like . Allot of people around me are having precious baby boys and while I'm sooo excited and happy for them it hurts so much to know we don't have ethan. I know I'm just an aunt and I probably don't even have a right to grieve this much ,but I just can't help it. I'm just so heartbroken and stressed right now I don't know what to do. My husband wants to get pregnant and have another child and I'm scared to death the thought of being pregnant makes me sick to my stomach in fear. I'm so stressed all I feel like doing is crying and infact that all I've been doin allot of lately. I wish Ethan was here so bad,but he's not and know my sister-in-law and brother-in-law are moved to new york and I know they need there private time to grieve ,yet I can't help but worry about the both of them.Where do I go from here can someone please tell me . I'm at a loss