It's a Pitty Party Kinda Day

Have you ever had one of those,days,months,years that you just felt like throwing yourself a pity party? We'll I've decided mines today!!! I;m frustrated,tired,broke,and a little mad, and probably my reasons dont even qualify for such emotions ,but I'm just going with them. I'll start with a flashback.... when I was 5 I started having spasms seizures... to this day there still not sure what they we're. My salavary glands would overact, my left hand and left foot would draw in a little and this would last ofr about an hour and at the end of the hour I would throw up. this happened ever other hour... Needless to say I got very sick ,very fast and they got to the point they feed me pure fat thru an I.V to keep me nurished... I traveled all over the u.s got poke proded and stuck every place you can think... finally after 3 years of this Dr. Lindsey(now retired) took me on as a patient even though he didnt see children and tried two medicines with me tegretol and dialaten I took dialatem for ten years and tegretol for over 20 years and its had a lot of lifelong side effects from the meds that I never talk about I just deal with....... I'm a tough cookie,but looking back at my childhood I dont have allot of good memories.....that being said I am not sad bitter mad for myself its for my precious Reagan. Who was diagnosed with Severe Reflux at birth and has had to go thru testing anfter testing and medicine after medicine... I somehow think what I had she got a small dose off and it makes me feel awful. As a mother you dont want your child to go through what you went through, you want them to be perfect and happy. Today while putting drops in my childs eyes for pink eye and watching how well she took them. I had to leave the room and cry. Shes so use to taking medicine and having herself poked and proded from procedures that it really doesn't fase her. while a regular four year old would take two grown men to hold them down. I know shes overall healthy and I know shes a tough cookie ,but i hate that she has to be a tough cookie.I am so blessed beyond measure to have her in my life. she is my joy,my smile in the morning,my kiss goodnight, shes so smart and talented and I know shes going to do amazing things someday, but for know shes my baby girl whom I want to be happy and never have to wipe away a tear, I know that's selfish, but thats just how I'm feeling today.

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